also...

http://survivingtheworld.net/Lesson25.html

liar, liar.

really? "sometimes i put up walls just to see who cares enough to pull them down."

what kind of bull shit is that? what about the people who cared so much, and tried so hard to pull those walls down? because as i remember it that person got thrown to the side for someone who really didn't give a fuck. as i remember it that person would have done anything for you. and everything that i did do got turned into a joke, or used against me. i'm sorry that my love wasn't good enough. i guess i hope you finally find someone who is good enough for you. but it hurts. 

and the sad thing is...i still would probably do anything for you.

b.

Liar, liar

You're such a great big liar

With the tallest tales that I have ever heard

Fire, fire

You set my soul on fire

Laughing in the corner as it burns

Right between the ribs is sinking in

Oh, the sirens sing so sweet and watched the sailors go down

Oh, you don't do me in siren song 

Yeah, anyone would drown

Anyone would drown

Sick and tired of this mad desire

Fluttering aside me like a hawk

Wire wire

Got my hands on wires

Will heaven help you when I get them out?

ready to run.

this is bullshit.

and i don't really know what to do as usual.

and it's one of those things that no one can really help with.

i guess time will help.

bye.

b.

I feel the wind blow through my hair
Im gonna be ready this time
Ill buy a ticket to anywhere
Im gonna be ready this time
You see it feels like Im starting to care
And Im going to be ready this time


Ready, ready, ready, ready...ready to run
All Im ready to do is have some fun
Whats all this talk about love?

you and me.

okay. so, yesterday whitney and i were venting. yes. i know it's something we do often.  

but basically what we came up with was this:

why on earth are we single?!  we both are passionate, hardworking, fun, not-too-shabby-looking individuals. we both know what we want in life, and we're pretty independent. we're not clingy. we're not psycho...well, not publicly so.  so, why the eff do we not have boyfriends? 

we decided. it's because boys are subconsciously intimidated by us. boys our age are just that-boys. they are still kidding around and fucking random chicks and being childish. they are still in the mindset of highschool.  whereas, we are grown up.  i know i have so many responsibilities lately that make me feel so old. i have so many worries that i just never ever had before this year. and i love them. i love the feeling of being a responsible adult. i love being trusted. i hate working, but i love the satisfaction of independence.  and maybe a guy just isn't ready for that yet.

and if a guy isn't ready for that then maybe i don't need him...

...but that doesn't make me feel any better.

love,

b.

ahhhhhh!!!

okay. this is a different blog than i normally do butt...

RONALD WEASLEY HAS SWINE FLU!!!!!!

http://www.examiner.com/x-1994-LA-Celebrity-Headlines-Examiner~y2009m7d6-Rupert-Ron-Weasley-Grint-recovering-from-swine-flu

anddddddddddd   HP6 comes out in NINE days!!!!!!!!!!!

andddddddddddddddddd. my birthday is in 18.

anddd and and and i am going to NJ/NYC in 19!

ahhh i am so happy. [:

<3

Astonishing.

I was reading through my journal today, and I found and entry that i wrote last year entitled "to my future self."  I figured I'd share it on here.  It's kind of interesting to see how much i've changed, either for good or bad.  here it is

March 12, 2008-

To my future self: I hope you never compromised. I hope you still dream. I pray you still giggle often and imagine. Please don't grow-up. I hope you've learned from life, but tell me you still handle things with that child-like exuberance.  I hope you haven't settled for mediocrity.  Please tell me you still have crazy, all-night chick flick marathons with your best friends. I hope you haven't done anything absolutely stupid or ignorant. I hope you learn to forgive and forget.  Do you appreciate mom yet? you should, she does everything for you.  Have you fallen madly, truly, deeply, ridiculously in love yet?  I cannot wait to find out the answers, but it's scary, too."

when I read this I am not really sure how to feel. there are so many things that i feel i have failed myself, but then again, i don't think i have lived enough to answer most of those questions.  i still have time to stop in my tracks and fix things before i make any further mistakes...

i still have to see where life takes me. right now, i think i am heading in a direction that would sincerely disappoint my former self. 

happy fourth.

b.

wide open spaces.

tonight we went to watch fireworks. there is something about fireworks that always gets me. i am not sure what it is, but i can sit there in complete silence, and slight awe, while watching them. whenever i see fireworks, though, i always wish i had a significant someone to sit next to, and lean on, and cuddle with while watching the beautiful array of colors and lights that explode across the sky.  i don't know what it is. maybe it's just because it's summer, but i want a relationship. i guess i am just sick of being the friend or the hook up. i am ready to be someone's someone. i sound so gay and cliche [totally didn't mean to rhyme], but i can't help it.  all my friends are always talking about the cute things their boyfriends do, and it doesn't make me jealous, but it makes me wistful. 

well, that's my rant for today. camp is dragging on, but getting a little bit better. i mean how good can babysitting 15+ kids a day for minimum wage get? 

my family is still crazy. my friends are still wonderful. but being home is stifling. i feel so restrained and held back. i just want to get away. 

lately, i've been rediscovering my love for the dixie chicks. so good. 

i'll leave you with this. i've been listening to it on repeat the past couple of days. goodnight.

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about 
Who's never left home, who's never struck out 
To find a dream and a life of their own 
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone 

Many precede and many will follow 
A young girl's dream no longer hollow 
It takes the shape of a place out west 
But what it holds for her, she hasn't yet guessed 

She needs wide open spaces 
Room to make her big mistakes 
She needs new faces 
She knows the high stakes 

She traveled this road as a child 
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired 
But now she won't be coming back with the rest 
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test 

As her folks drive away, her dad yells, "Check the oil!" 
Mom stares out the window and says, "I'm leaving my girl" 
She said, "It didn't seem like that long ago" 
When she stood there and let her own folks know 

love,

b.